Lately I've been fearful. And I don't know exactly why. You know better than I do. You understand the little quirks in my personality and why I fall into these little pits of seeming hopelessness and fear.
Lord, why am I feeling fearful or hopeless? Perhaps it's the constant feeling that maybe I'm not living right. That I'm missing something incredibly important and I don't even know it. Is that 'fear of the unknown'? What if everything I've been doing or living for isn't good enough?
You know my many goals and ambitions, Lord. You know I want to live righteously but is that just a selfish desire to look good to all of those around me? I try hard to look important to others. I want to please you, Lord, but is that just a selfish way to get more things from you, Lord? I want to be genuine but I hardly know when I'm not putting on a show. I want to be friendly to others but is that just a selfish desire to make other people like me?
So many questions. So many things to worry about. So many things to fix.
I was recently reading a book called "Amusing Ourselves To Death". It explained how so much of our culture is now television based and nearly everything in our culture; politics, sports, media, business, is all centered on entertainment. Only the most entertaining movies sell. Only the most entertaining politicians make it to office. Nearly everything we do is for amusement or so it seems. We work hard, to get more money, to buy a better iPod, or car, or snowboard, or vacation lodge; for amusement. We don't pray very much because we're too busy amusing ourselves with music, movies, blogs, Facebook, toys, cars, etc. It's as though we're all searching for satisfaction and we keep looking in all the wrong places; even as Christians. But perhaps I'm overreacting in response to this book, as I tend to do, Lord.
What's wrong with enjoying good things? What's wrong with being amused by good food or good entertainment? Perhaps it's the amount of entertainment that really matters. Or maybe it's the way which we are seeking to be entertained? Are we seeking to be satisfied in material things? Or are we satisfied in You, Lord, and simply enjoying the material things that You have given us here on earth?
Please give me wisdom in this area.
There are other things that trouble me. As I learn about the industrialization of American Food, Medicine, Education, Business, Church Ministry and how that has effected our culture in very negative ways, I start to feel hopeless, and helpless to do anything about it. Our culture just seems to be so wrapped up in entertainment, selfishness, greed, money, debt and the list goes on. And I'm not able to fix it. I can't. I'm a sinner just like everyone else. Only You, O Lord, can save the world.
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,"says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Lord, why am I fearful? You are sovereign, perfect, and holy. These questions, worries, and fears are all in Your hand. I surrender them to you and I trust that you will do what's best. Thank you for the grace you have already showered on me by saving me and bringing me into a relationship with You. Help me to trust you better.
Amen.
